I can't quite remember when I actually met Evelyn, but it doesn't really matter. She just seemed to drift into my life when I needed her most. Lucky me.
We had lost Dad to cancer in 2000; his illness was quick to take him after only five months. A year later, Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. After massive surgery, she lost the ability to speak or write. She adjusted, I didn't. She passed within two years. The lost of both of them was unbearable. Dad was my hero and Mom was my best friend. My loneliness was slow to mend. I remember thinking there must be an easier way to go about daily life.
To add to my despair and grief, my husband Gary contacted a spinal staph infection while undergoing an outpatient procedure at a local medical center. He was hospitalized for 49 days, and home for another nine months of recovery. My life revolved around administering daily IV's, counting massive doses of medications every four hours, pic lines, prescriptions, and sleepless nights. I would read the Internet in the wee hours before dawn looking for medical answers or emailing family members keeping them abreast of Gary's progress. There were other business burdens and harsh realities that followed. They left us devastated, but not defeated. It was during this time period that I met Evelyn.
I would see her at the corner coffee shop usually about two or three times a week. Gary and I would stop for our morning coffee. He was slowly healing and we were trying to resume a normal life style. . Being at a specific place at a specific time in the morning was a routine we needed to resume.
Gary would read the paper, and I would work on the cross word puzzle. As fate would have it, I began to observe Evelyn quietly sitting alone. She would gracefully sip her cafe latte which was made to her specifications with not to much whip cream. I would watch her savor her beverage while pencil in hand, she too worked on the daily cross word puzzle. I used to think, she looked like Mom. She was the same size, with the same friendly warm smile, and the same feisty spirit. . I found her very approachable as she'd smile at me from across her table, and one day I asked "did you get the answer to 7 Down? Those simple words initiated a special friendship for me.
While my husband would continue reading the paper, I would mosey over to Evelyn's table and sit and chat. We'd go on about the luscious bagels and sweets made by Regina and her son, we'd discuss current news, we'd ramble on about the weather and mention our tasks for the day. As the months went by we'd talk about our families and she'd proudly tell me about her children.
I realized the multiple similarities she shared with my mother – they had the same value systems – God, family, children, friends, passions. When each seasonal holiday approached Evelyn and I would share memories,. Perhaps it was the times, and the influence of the early family-oriented television programs like Leave it to Beaver or the Ozzie and Harriet Show, but hearing Evelyn reminisce reminded me of my own childhood. Our middle-class, suburban neighborhoods were so much alike.
Our conversations were hardly deep or earth shaking, but they were meaningful and I valued them. I would scan the parking lot looking for her car before entering the coffee shop, hoping she would be there. When we entered, she would give a quick wave to signal me. She usually sat in the same place near the glass plate window – perhaps the light filtering in made it easier to work on her puzzle.
I love old people; their placid, tranquil ways assist me in appreciating the present. As they eloquently recall fond memories and disclose their romances – their faces light up and radiate joy. One gets a better prospective on priorities through conversing with old-timers.
Female friends are a woman's best allies. They are gifts we give to ourselves, especially those whose lives span generations and who have led full and fascinating lives. A conversation with a woman who has lived her life graciously with few complaints, who has accepted her trials and welcomed her joys with praise, transcends any knowledge found anywhere else. Evelyn with her unpretentious, straightforward ways and giving nature was a friend to me. She listened to me. By listening to her talk of her life, I was better able to cope and understand mine.
I will miss our conversations, the sound of her laughing and her quick pats on my hand and her telling me to have a good day. My Mom did the same. I now wonder if Evelyn intentionally meant to leave me a surprise. I knew her birthday was in February yet she never shared the specific date with me and somehow, I guess I never asked. Imagine my wonderment when I read the date of Evelyn's birth as being February 6th – which is my Mom's birthday. Surely, Evelyn was a blessing.
Times have changed from the days of Evelyn's youth; I'd like to think people haven't and won't. I hope that her principles and beliefs will remain in tact for future generations. They are good ones. They are solid. They contribute much to the quality and stability of daily living.
Evelyn taught me that no matter how full life becomes – life doesn't hold still for us. One needs to always make time for a cup of coffee …..and sharing a cup with a friend ……can be a taste of pure happiness.
